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Meeting Issan

Tobias Trapp asked me to write a few words about volunteering during the AIDS epidemic for the German magazine, Ursache & Wirkung . I jumped at the chance because it gave me an opportunity to acknowledge Frank Ostaseski and his pioneering work with the Zen Hospice Project as well as Issan Dorsey Roshi who founded Maitri Hospice. It also gave me an opportunity to encourage others to accept the invitation to be with another human being at the end of their lives, something that sadly our fears stand in the way of.  In 1989 I lost a very dear friend, Nancy Storm, who’d been like a mother to me. Her daughter Mary asked me to donate the hospital bed that she had in her room at the Heritage Retirement Home in San Francisco where she’d spent the last years of her life.  I still remember that the more established hospice care facilities refused donations unless it had a warranty. In the late 90’s, there were sometimes 100 men a week dying in San Francisco from HIV. Surely someone could use

The Ethical Slut goes in search of a Zen teacher

I had an email exchange with a well-regarded senior Zen teacher from the same lineage as I practice in. Our conversation quickly veered off into a deadend, and I was left wondering what I’d said wrong. I am going to talk about some private communication so I will not name names. I don’t have to flesh out the full context of our exchange. I was not teacher-shopping. I simply asked a question.  Roshi X asked me who I practiced with. My answer included some of the most senior teachers in his school and some well known people in another lineage. I’ve been practicing Zen since 1988, and for most of that time have talked with a teacher both on retreats and at regular intervals. I’ve made the formal request to train with several different teachers, but it was always serial monogamy, never two at once. Four of my teachers are dead, two died while I was working with them; one sent me to his senior student and then died. One died after I began koan work. We parted on very friendly terms, but I t

Sex, death, and food.

Katagiri admonishes Issan This life we live is a life of rejoicing, this body a body of joy which can be used to present offerings to the Three Jewels. It arises through the merits of eons and using it thus its merit extends endlessly. I hope that you will work and cook in this way, using this body which is the fruition of thousands of lifetimes and births to create limitless benefit for numberless beings. To understand this opportunity is a joyous heart because even if you had been born a ruler of the world the merit of your actions would merely disperse like foam, like sparks. -- from Tenzo kyokun: Instructions for the Tenzo by Eihei Dogen zenji  Let’s talk about death while we’re still breathing. Talking about it after we’re dead might  be challenging. A dying Isaan told me something Katagiri Roshi said to him when they were both very much alive. I find myself revisiting this conversation about impermanence and death. And while I’m at it, can I also include a conversation about sex